The last book we read in class was Homer's Odyssey and during our final class of the year (yeah, I'm done. Woot!) we went around the room and made a list of all the characteristics and checkpoints of the book.
-An end goal
-Something more important than self
-Enlightenment
-Challenges and roadblocks
Don't forget the part where you have to stab a cyclops in the eye.
The last class came and went, and then Friday rolled around: the day of our English exam. He placed a blue book on everyone's desks..face down. Odd, but nobody really thought anything of it, or at least I didn't think anything of it. The blue books were then followed up by a prompt for the essay.
"Write an Odyssey of your year, making sure to reference specific class discussions, books we have read, or movies we have watched."
The people that had prepared cheered, while the rest of us groaned and furiously tried to remember everything we had talked about the day before in the hopes of somehow incorporating it into our papers. Only after I had started working out my outline did our teacher reach the front of the room and say to the now broken hearts in the room,
"Alright, you may now flip your blue books face up and read the real essay."
The bugger. I feel bad for his children "Isn't your new car pretty? Yeah, just kidding, that's not it.We're picking yours out at the dump later today." And what was the "Refurbished"-Scrap-Metal-of-a-Prompt that we had?
No joke, that was our essay. We had to write for an hour on "Why?"
You always have two choices.
"Do you want fries with that?": yes/no
You're taking a shower: ice water/magma
Your teacher just handed you your final exam essay: write about the topic/make your topic something you can later post on your blog.
Guess which one I chose? (hint: it's not the former) So here is my final exam essay. Enjoy.
One of the instructions for this essay was "Be Honest". That is exactly what I am going to do. Honestly, this question makes me angry. Why? Because I am a perfectionist and when curveballs are thrown my way I freak out, panic, occasionaly throw up, and eventually inform everyone of how upset I am. But if the purpose of such a question was to make people think, be creative, and be different, mission accomplished. Nobody is going to write about the same thing. Bravo, mastermind. You have officially broken the norm and made a name for yourself.
Most English classes discuss themes of books, plot lines, and characters. But not our class. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. I'm not the best at remembering details, but philosophical analysis I can do. Ambiguous answers are my bread and butter. Why do people die? To prove that everyone is equal and in the end we're all going to be worm-food. Why are we born? There would be a lot less to do if we hadn't been. Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't think even the chicken knows. Why was the English class discussing bathroom procedures in Korea? Because the original question had nothing to do with excrement, of course. Why else? It's not so much the topic at hand or a given question that people think about in class, but the ones halfway through the class period that they can honestly answer without looking like complete fools. Of course, many of us still end up looking like fools after voicing our opinions. Stupid remarks, not thinking before speaking, the worst offense being pure idiocy.
I am not speaking of a specific person or an event, but generally I think everyone can agree on the fact that everyone makes stupid mistakes. You'd think that these mistakes would make people cringe at their pasts and just want to erase everything like it had never happened. Unfortunately, that can't be done and, unexpectedly, I found myself thinking that it would never be done. Even if science goes more insane that it already is, even if mountain-topping gurus in the Middle East come up with a method of turning back time and being able to fix past events, I don't think anyone would accept the offer. Of course, some would just to say, "Dude, I went back in freaking TIME!" then pass out on the floor in a drunken doze. But after those events were "fixed" and the futures were respectively altered, I wouldn't be surprised if everyone wanted to re-commit those mistakes. That's how people learn. Thomas Edison found 10,000 how not to make a lightbulb. Mr. Keating in Dead Poets' Society was fired but taught dozens of boys to live their lives in the process. Alec Leamas in The Spy Who Came In From The Cold messed up big time by falling in love with a common woman but hey, he fell in love. In all the cases, something bad happened or some mistake was made. Again, in all the cases, something good came about as a result. Mistakes are things that people can learn from. They're templates for what not to do, saved in the person's subconscious.
"Let's go bungee-jumping."
"Yeah, I don't think so. I jumped off my bed once as a kid saying that I could fly and I ended up breaking my arm. Have fun without me."
How responsible of Character B that was. But obviously, character B was a miscreant as a child and learned from his experiences. For example, when the "prompt" for this essay was handed out, I started writing down every main point from the Odyssey that I could think of. My mistake? Please, like you would ever have as straight-forward a question as "Write an Odyssey." What I plan on taking from this year is just to never plan out a final exam essay until the blue book is turned the right side up. Silly me. I should have known better. But this is going to be something I remember, a specific event that confused everyone and is probably still confusing them as they finish up the third page of their essays. This somewhat unusual question, as well as next year's utterly confusing and precise AP exam question, are going to be milestones in this year. We (hopefully) will remember these moments (or not hopefully, it really depends). That may be taking it a little too far but I would not put it past people to get home and immediately say to their entire family
"Do you know what our bloody exam question was? 'Why?'"
Tomorrow I would like to take a poll. But maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm the sole person right now that has zero idea what the actual question meant. Who knows? Maybe everyone is just as confused (most likely option) and writing whatever they think of in the hopes that something will click into place and make a masterpiece. A general masterpiece perhaps, but I'm not picky. Only time will tell. If it tells me the wrong answer, I'll just make up my own because who listens to a theoretical concept, anyways?
Hey, he told us to "Be creative. Be bold. Be honest." I was only doing what he asked. Apparently it worked, too, because I got a 97%. Venting win!
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